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TIGRESS WITH A SHORT FUSE 02.05.2020


Last sunset of April, tomorrow is Baby Bee's day out


It is the first of the fifth month of the Year of Covid-19 and its Tsibektican’s turn of opening the new month. She’s excited to hunt vehicles and bicyclists as She usually does very well. We have been experiencing unusual headwinds from unlikely directions since the new year began. An easy drop into A104, The glide down the 7 kilometer long drop past Waruku was uneventful until this small Mistubishi canter came and pass me at the beginning of the rough stretch down Waiyaki Way. The driver pulled a surprise slow down as he maneuvered through the potholes, nearly colliding rear on with a nduthi behind it. I nearly rode Munchkin into the rear but I was cautious, now Baby Bee and I were mad as a raging bull. There went the canter, widening the gap. “We have to revenge Munchkin,” I whispered as the tarmac evened out close to James Gichuru roundabout. Onto the Spider Side Bar, on 48*11 gear ratio and a Tigress hunger attitude, we roared closer. Seeing our prize drop slower along Aga Khan Stretch, the Flying Duchess positioned Herself for Her signature assault: a pounce to the right, the ‘jugular of the vehicle’. The image as it were, the rear wheels backing away followed by the fuel tank, then the front tyres and eventually the engine cry; the sign of a defeated carbon emitter at the paws or a ferocious two-wheeled feline. Rarely do the TUTOIS’ opponents make a comeback at Safaricom Hill Drop, speeds go up above 54kph on clear lanes before leveling at 47koh at the flat towards Westlands. However, Munchkin had to slice in between a personal car, a Star Bus to the right and a charging Super Metro to the left at the top of the hill. No matter, She always manages a surprise sprint, after all Her nickname starts with ‘Flying’.


Onto Westlands roundabout, I see a familiar cycling face standing to the left. It’s Tall Willie, I gave him a fist salute as I piloted Baby Bee one-handed before handling the slight confusion at the stage with both hands on. Any cyclist who has not watched Premium Rush cannot relate to the quickness of a cycling mind’s thinking process. It’s always about nano-seconds decision making before making a move. So here is a sudden snarl up, a nduthi guy has stopped at the very corridor Munchkin wanted to whoosh through and She is coming in hot. I dodged to the left, missed this Super Metro’s conductor as he jumped into the moving vehicle which was then halted by a Toyota Hiace which was halted by the same douche bag that forced me seconds earlier. In a quick instance, I made a quick sprint to the right between the two vehicles and paced forward. Looking at the ‘fikifiki’ guy with disgust, I muscled on only to be met by another sudden halter down Chiromo Road. A Star Bus driver was in a rush to pick up a carefree passenger on a non designated stopover. I did not have time to curse out for my adrenaline rush helped cancel out the stress reaction.


Down Museum Hill, a white car was going slow on the slow lane. Suddenly I felt some familiar energy rushed into my head. My spider senses were tingling. I blew my whistle to alert the driver that I’m riding past his left. Actually, he had already left a passable allowance for me to pierce through. I looked back to thank him as he tailgated me. Coming slow to my right, I heard him call me by my name, “Yo Sam!” I’m looking at him and for a moment I thought he was Xhibit the famous Los Angeles hip hop artiste. Then it hit me, only one guy I know looks like Xhibit: Chris Magero. Apparently, he was taking his 29er for servicing after his brutal bike ride to Isinya some few days ago. We chatted lightly above blurring bitumen and parted ways at Nyayo House as Miss Madilu and I proceeded to tackling the helter skelter madness that is Gikomba. I hate shortcuts, but I was out of time plus the road works messed up Ringroad Juja Road. Parking my beloved princess at my shop, I sighed with relief that we made it alive without any failure of any kind. The city and roads are unforgiving, but God and Mother Nature are our protection.

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