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NAMING YOUR BIKE 07.03.2020


What is in a name? Well, basically every name in the universe has its own unique character. We as human beings are the perfect example of this visible theory and when the days of the magical bond between man and machine came forth, names were always given to machines that brought out a satisfying feel of life itself from the equipment itself, a feel of greatness, euphoria and nostalgia caped with exciting outbursts of adrenaline retro graphs on the happiness scale. Such machine would bore female names such as Lucy, Shantel, Lisa, Mercy, Cate, Suzie and the list goes on. Men were made to create, so why not create a name for your favorite machine or your consignment of arsenal.


Male cyclists been the massive majority of the world’s cycling population have given their beloved machines cute names. One of my best buddies has named his green beast 29er Njeri. I have never asked why but in my historical urban knowledge of the Agikuyu woman is that you ought to have a lot of money to marry her. She does not come cheap these daughters of Mumbi. So when he told me of the history of his bike and how much it cost him to build Her, I nodded in agreement that ‘yeah, She is definitely a Njeri.’ I have bike bikes I treasure so much than anything in the universe like a mother would her children. It is known in Kenya Cycling circles, that I treat my current bikes like children/ kids/ babies/ treasures/ life investment. It’s a free universe so I can say what I want whenever I want however I want, but I say so because of the love I have for Cycling since my toddler days. What can I say, I come from and ancestry of cycling and adventure loving, it’s in me to be ‘not normal.’


Ever heard of bikes that seem to have a personality of their own? If you have then you’d probably not want your bike to have such power to actually mess up your day since you would not have understood your bike and why it is behaving the way it is. With my bikes, each of them has their own personality. My superfast bikes, which are The Thunderstruck, The Dopemaster and Le Testament are cool, calm and collected. They have given me less stress than their other two siblings, The Tourist and The Tsibektican.


The BEAST of Gathondeki, The Tourist, from Beijing with Love


The Tourist, alias BEAST or El Toro or Land Cruiser V8, He is the ‘Best Bike in the World, my first borne from Beijing with Love. The Bike of Blessings, He loves to tour, to chase Citi Shuttles and beat bicyclists and cyclists who think they have got the juice for high cadence. At 23 kilos of pure steel, you’d thing He is as slow as a Leyland driving from Salgaa to Kericho Town,a mistake many have made with the last victim being this coat wearing bicyclist El Toro and I found struggling at Nairobi School stretch only for him to time the BEAST and draft behind Him. I looked back, smiled, chuckled and on Demabior position The Tourist zoomed faster that the Kupe dude could hold on and like that he was dropped like elephant droppings on the savannah.The Tourist has given me the greatest amount of headaches. He has not been an easy bike to be with but the time spent with my Big Boy is second to none. Greatness is never an easy energy suit to clad in. From unwanted mechanical issues such as His brake cables snapping meters away from the end of a ride to not liking to hear Madilu System songs and few others, He is one of a kind. And I love Him that way, the imperfect perfect.


The Thunderstruck alias THITIMA or White Punisher


The Thunderstruck is a case of a silent classical assassin. My formidable racing bike built in 2001 in Sweden but gotten in 2016, He loves to retire carbon bikes and their riders in races, loves overtaking Super Metro buses and beating cars at 71kph on Roysambu drop. He is Jordan Schleck in bicycle form, ever happy to zoom faraway in the shortest time possible. The Prince of Cadence, whom I have invested as much cash on Him as I have on His big brother in the shortest time possible, He is the case of old school merged with new school technology, making Him the fastest classic road bike in Kenya.


The Tsibektican alias Baby Bee or Flying Duchess


The Tsibektican, well I can say that She is Daddy’s Favorite Girl, has learned to be always my favorite Peperusha Princess. My first hand built hard tail, She stands out as a showstopper. Countless times have I being approached to by curious onlookers whenever I’m with Her. She loves listing to Madilu System,hence why I nicknamed Her Miss Madilu. She is badass fast of climbs, drops and flats. An unstoppable Tigress on offroads, She is the Queen of offroad adventures.


The Dopemaster alias Pacman or Predator



The Dopemaster seems to be following in His Slim Big Brother’s tyre tracks, always attacking Star Buses and climbing Thika Superhighway on 48*11 gear ratio effortlessly, cutting through Nairobi City thick traffic at elbow breaking speeds. A formidable marshal bike ever present in every Critical Mass ride, this British made steel bike lives up to His manufacturer poster claim of beating a sprinting lion. Alias the Predator or Pacman, Dopey sneaks up slickly behind anyone and super catapults away in Tabbs fashion.


Le Testament as a zygote



Le Testament, still in Her infant stage, is going to be The Stormbreaker, the axe that will decapitate anyone who dares fail in succeeding their challenge against me in races to come. Miss Ultralight will be the galore of many admires when She will hit the competitive tarmac. A blend of lighter and lightest, She will be the Empress of the Death of your dreams my fellow competitors.


Lastly, I’d love and WILL have my sixth bike, a 29er to conquer the offroad tracks of the country. Her name shall be Le Tactician. Perfect name for a wilderness panther, don’t you think? She will be the Queen of All Mountains.


Miss White (Ndatha's), a brutal offroad machine


So what is your bike’s name? Share Her or His name in the comment section below. Tell us their story.

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